twiggipop
  • Me: *out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*
  • Random Old Lady: *comes up out of no where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')
  • ROL: Isn't he a little old for you?
  • Me: Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.
  • Dad: *chokes into his drink*
  • ROL: You should respect your elders.
  • Me: You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?
  • Dad: *chokes on his drink again*
  • ROL: *storms off*
  • Dad: *looks at me with a disapproving look*
  • Me: What?
  • Dad: Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.
hellolaurenlopez
  • (A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)
  • Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”
  • Gay Man: “Excuse me?”
  • Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”
  • Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”
  • Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”
  • (The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)
  • Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”
  • (Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)
  • Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”
  • Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”
  • Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”
  • (The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)